Text messages

I often text my husband during the day. I dislike talking on the phone, and I hate to disrupt him, so I find email or text messages are an easy way for me to communicate (read: whine, beg or command).

I thought I'd browse through some old text messages I've sent him, and here's an array of them:

10/04 children screamed guts out at dr's. I feel resentful.
I feel I have to do too much of the hard, sucky parenting.

10/04
CALL LUCY ON PHONE;
LUCY WALKING AROUND CALLING, "DADA? DADA?"

10/04
we're home early, no capoeira
I went to get Iris early, but she had a SKIRT on, so no capoeira.
on way home, get fizzy water AND lemons, please LOVE*

*obviously cocktails were on my mind.

10/04 pizza coming, good workday, Goose reunited with fave baby**

**So nice to read a happy one! We lost my toddler's favorite doll, and I searched for literally miles for it and recovered it. "Good workday" means that I worked a shift at Iris's co-op preschool without issues.

But oh no: six days later

I AM COMPLETELY SICK OF CHILDREN
burnt out on constantly repeating self, ferrying them, feeding them

And later that day, unwarranted optimism:

can you call at 4? I have insane fantasy we may nap, not very likely though

In my world, it's easier to text the husband than set the alarm clock.

12/14/04
please duck out at first opportunity
Lucy being huge pain, awful mess, my stomach hurts

Now here's a complete change of tone the next day:

hello, I would like to have sex with you. Love, your wife.

2/05

problem: how to make Iris dinner while holding Goose???
Goose v. sick all p.m., fussy clingy unhappy fever

And the husband can get text-happy when he's sitting in a long co-op preschool meeting. Here are my responses to some of his texts sent while he endured a lengthy debate as to whether the preschoolers would be allowed to bring energy bars in their lunches. Sadly, time has not preserved his side of this conversation:

did they mention Envirokids Rice snack bars?

no refined sugar.

what's so silly is they allow red meat (proven carcinogen).

Sugar is from a plant. It is not carcinogenic.

You can even buy orgnanic sugar.

I'll give you a blowjob if you argue strenuously pro sugar.


5/05

hurry home, lucy driving me mad
constantly slamming doors, rough w/kittens, kicking Iris

5/26/06
Lucy very fussy, feverish, extremely high maintenance.
Lucy time out, threw cat from bunkie top***

*** "bunkie" is the name given by Iris to the girls' bunk beds.

6/05
have you heard fr plumbers? ok for me to take Lola playground?

7//12/05
CHILDREN FIGHTING OVER WHOSE FATHER YOU ARE.
"No, MY daddy. DADDY. I NEED DADDY."-LOLA "My daddy." - Iya

7/14
LOLA JOINING IN IRIS'S SNIT OUT OF SOLIDARITY.
CAN YOU GET MILK, PLS? I GOT GROCERIES BUT NO MILK (STUPID)

7/05 This may be my favorite one ever:

Iris sez you care more about your sleep than Harry Potter.

10/18/05
1 red onion; 2 ripe avocadoes; 2 lg mangoes; 2 jalapenos, 1 lime, cilantro; chips
also milk & some mac & cheese mix thanks

That last text would have been one of the few which pleased the recipient, signaling the imminent preparation of his favorite salsa.

10/23/05
alert: I need to work at Burke's library Mon 12-2
so Lola needs ride to preschool. I can pick Lola up.
also, they have pediatrician Tues. pm after Burke's pick-up
This concludes our emergency calendar update broadcast.

11/11/05
As the day begins, I'm crisp and businesslike:

garbage disposal beyond repair.
Dennis will replace it next Tuesday.

Two hours later:
can you please get milk on way home? thanks, love
Rose here; children holding "butt parade"

But by 6:33 p.m., my nerves are fraying:

I HATE CHILDREN. ALL CHILDREN.
EXCEPT LOLA.

2/10/06

LOLA WANTS YOU TO DO HOMEWORK W/HER
I OFFERED TO DO IT, BUT SHE SAID, "NO. DADDY."

2/13
big one is feverish, little one is cranky; wish you were here

2/27
please call the children.

3/10/06
Lola was upset you weren't here to meet with Jill
she wanted you, not me, to go over the homework w/Jill

Jill is Lola's speech therapist.

4/12
children driving me frigging insane
I haven't been this tired since Lola was newborn.

5/1
children in bed (earlier than last night)

5/5/06
New magazine was under bunkie.
All hail wife, queen of finders.