all the news, according to Iris

Inspired by newsreaders, Iris drafted her own broadcast, with Anton's assistance:

Today is Saturday, July first, 2006. The weather in San Francisco today is overcast, with temperatures not too chilly and only light breezes. It's a good day for walks, picnics, and playing in the park.

Here is how to feed the cats. First locate some canned cat food. If none is stored in the laundry area, a trip to the grocery store may be necessary. Then, count the cats present. One can is sufficient for up to two cats, but three or more require more cans. For each can, grasp the tab firmly with an index finger and pull hard. It may help to brace the can against a hard surface such as a countertop. Once the lid is removed, discard it and empty the can contents before the cats.

But anyway. You may not understand as many people that a bearded dragon is not a real thing but it is a kind of lizard. And bay area aquariums well most are closing down all barracudas. Thank you and good night.