being pressured into discovering one's true team

It has probably escaped almost nobody's attention that "Twilight" in all its forms has gripped the girls of North America with a firm, expensive grasp. I myself read all the Twilight novels last year, on the theory that in a few years Iris uber Alles would be reading them and so I should stay on the jump and know what the phenomenon was all about [I found the books weirdly absorbing for something so repetitive(how many hundreds of pages about dry humping can one woman write??), and I commend the author for her creative revision of the vampire and werewolf mythologies].

Fourth grader Iris uber Alles brought up Twilight with me some time ago. She shared that a friend of hers was very ostentatiously reading the books "but she doesn't understand them, I don't think." I told her that I thought the books were fun but highly repetitive and that they probably wouldn't make so much sense to a pre-adolescent, who wouldn't quite understand why a tortured teen would act like hormonally-driven Bella. Iris decided to wait a couple of years before getting into the whole Twilight thing.

Then the "New Moon" movie came out. Suddenly the fourth grade joined the higher grades, which had already been Twilight-obsessed (when I read the books, I was unable to get them from my private library or from the school library, as the private library had abstained from buying them and the school library's were always checked out. My friend and hairdresser loaned me the first one, and I bought copies of the others, which I donated to our school library after reading. The librarians were grateful indeed to get more copies). Evidently Twilight is now the primary topic, and all the fourth graders were reportedly taken to the movie, which they to a child loved.

Iris felt left out and felt a lot of peer pressure to see this movie. "My reputation will be ruined if I don't see it." But neither of her parents wanted to take her. I let it slide, hoping someone would invite her if they went back to see it again or that she'd forget about it. Then I unfolded a piece of paper I found in the kitchen and discovered a list she'd composed and left lying around the house, a list of arguments for her being allowed to see the film. I realized this was a much bigger deal than I'd thought, and I decided to get Iris to that damn movie.

First I devised a fun and painless plan. We would invite a friend of Iris's who also hadn't seen the movie, and I would take the girls to a particular theatre which has lovely tables and couches just outside the entrance to the screening rooms, near the popcorn vendor. I would stay there, on a couch or at a table, with an engrossing book and my laptop, while the girls enjoyed a modicum of independence and saw the film by themselves (the Sober Husband argued a bit that I should be right by the girls, which I countered by saying that we were overprotective parents and that I'd be right nearby and that if anyone bothered Iris, she could say, "My mother and attorney is here if you would like to speak to her"). This ran into a snag when the invited friend (who attends a different elementary school, a Catholic school, where it appears the nuns and priests have kept that damn vampire nonsense out for the most part) reported back that after some investigation, her father had decided she wasn't allowed to see that film and could we go to "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" instead on that same night?

Seldom defeated entirely, I created a new plan which was also pain-free. I suggested strongly to the Sober Husband that he take Iris to the film on his last night of holiday vacation, so Iris could return to the fourth grade no longer a Twilight ignoramus, able to hold her head up high and proclaim some opinions. He recoiled on the grounds that he needed to get some sleep before returning to work, but I shot that down, pointing out that an early showing would work just dandy with his REM cycle. Iris booked the tickets on the spot using the Sober Husband's iPhone. That night they set out, the Sober Husband having no idea what he was in for. I instructed him tongue-in-cheek upon his departure, "When you come back, you need to tell me whether you are on Team Edward or Team Jacob." [This inspired Iris to inform us quite gravely which team each of her friends is on. They really do take their teams seriously, these girls].

When they came back, Iris was buzzing. She couldn't stand still, and "Yeah. It was great."

"Was it better than 'Avatar'?"

Pause. "They were about the same. Both good!"

"Which team are you on?"

(very emphatically) "Team Jacob!!"

"Who is your favorite vampire?"

"The Volturi!"

"But those are the bad guys."

"They're Italian and cool! They have style!" [Iris uber Alles vacationed in Italy as a toddler, and it was a formative experience].

The Sober Husband said, "Can I whisper something in your ear?" He had no opportunity until much later after I'd had a long talk with Iris about what was good about the movie (Taylor Lautner), what was not good (Bella "is just depressed and doesn't do anything, she doesn't have a personality") and my question, "How much do the vampires sparkle?" answered ("A lot. It's like they're suns, with rays coming out of them"). Finally the Sober Husband said to me vehemently, "That was the worst movie I ever sat through. It was PAINFUL."

"Why do you think I wanted you to go? Why did you think I wanted to sit in the lobby?"